That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
