Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
