sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
