My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Your dad touched me again.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
