How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
