did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
