Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
