Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
