It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
