i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
