I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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