Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
