I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize