Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
