I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
