why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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