My nipple is on Facebook.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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