it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize