people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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