I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize