Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
