youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
where are you?
Hypothermia
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize