At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
