Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
