Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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