he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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