I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
