It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
