dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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