Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
