I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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