My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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