so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
