I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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