Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
