how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
