Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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