A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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