3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
