My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
