you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
