he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
