Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We are two peas in an std pod
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
