Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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