When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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