You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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