I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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