Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
