i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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