she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
