You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
