Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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