Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
