did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
