the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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