For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
