Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
