Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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