I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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