Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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