im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
