Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dick very happy bro
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
