T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
