She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
