got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
