Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
