one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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