Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
