I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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