Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
